Caring about what other people think.

I haven't written a blog in a while. But there was purpose behind that:

1. One of my friends hates the idea of people writing about their feelings and he says its a waste of time (can you guess who it is Kim??) and that has somewhat affected me in wanting to write anything about how I am doing.

2. this one is stupid but lately All I've been wanting to do is write about God! Write about Jesus... and I've been afraid to do that. Afraid that people will see me as some Jesus freak and tune out entirely...

But I became so convicted this morning... If my God decided to just stop interacting in my life- stop talking to me or guiding me, I would feel hurt. I would be devastated and angry. So, my ignoring to acknowledge God interacting in my life as a normal part of my day must only seem as being hurtful to my God! I'm not going to be afraid to write about him any longer. Who cares if every one of my post has a scripture in it or has me contemplating about Who God is and what he wants for me. I want to give my Lord the acknowledgment he deserves, and not only acknowledgement but praise!

I did well on my MCAT. Not out of my own abilities (because my own abilities only led me to scoring below average on my practice tests) but because I trust in a God that is looking out for me and followed through!

This quarter has been (by far) the busiest quarter I've ever experienced at UCLA and I love it. I've learned a lot from my classes but also through my extra curriculars... and from Jesus.

One thing in particular that I learned was how my life is governed by what people think about me. To illustrate a point:

I've been in Citylab (extracurricular) for 3 years now and my first year was beyond amazing. I had a great experience teaching high school students, I loved being with my friends. I loved feeling like my being there meant something to someone. But, since I joined staff my junior year all of that has changed. I don't teach high school students any more, the situation with my friends is not the same as it used to be and I don't love being there at all. Why do I continue to do it? Because I cared what people would think if I decided to quit. What would I look like as a leader if I didn't commit to something I didn't care about? What would people's opinions of me be knowing that I up and left them because I wasn't satisfied. Would they think I have a bad attitude. etc, Other people's opinions govern my life.

But the only opinion that matters is Jesus's! If I feel like there isn't a place for me in this club and that he has bigger plans for me than why is it so hard to let go? It shouldn't be! I'm done letting other people's opinions on my actions take control of my life. Now that doesn't mean I don't care what people have to say, because its true there are opinions that should matter. But I am going to be more cautious in making sure I listen to those opinions that matter, and most importantly... His.