There is no antidote

God really slapped me in the face this week. As I have found any and every little thing to distract me from dealing with my inner turmoil over the bad situation with my brother, God opened my eyes to the real problem. I'm prideful. I always have been-I always felt like I needed to be. Coming from where I came from, I thought that I had accomplished so much, I thought I had reach new feats that people could only marvel at from below, and I've held myself in such esteem for years, building up the amount of hobbies and activities to keep myself busy and keep others in awe. All the while, my heart grew bitter and I could feel myself judging other, thinking how I am better than them, or lucky not to be them, even thinking that their problems weren't as difficult as they made them out to be because I had been through hell. I have been so bitter for so many years. I make soap taste sweet. Lord, somewhere along the way I lost note that you were there through every painful family si

SO I'm lying here, mouth full of bloody gauze due to a newly extracted wisdom tooth and I can't help but feel like that visit to the dentist was the worst experience ever. Surprisingly, this day has been the worst day of the summer which actually makes me really happy because in retrospect, this summer has been amazing. God has shown me some beautiful things regarding my future and really ugly things that I need to change about myself. Studying for the MCAT has been a struggle though. It's amazing to think that this 5 hour test is what stands in the way of me wanting to medically help 1000s of people. Amazing- just one of the few words that describes how I feel right now. Anxious being another, "drugged up" being the last. I just pray that along with going out every week and having fun I can buckle down and focus at what really needs my attention.