There is no antidote

So I finally received all my grades for this quarter, and I have to say that I am feeling...I guess ambivalent about the whole thing. On one hand I did well I got a higher GPA than my overall one at the moment so I should be happy about that, but at the same time I'm disappointed that I didn't get an A in my anatomy class. Damn, I tried so hard for that class haha and I couldn't pull it off. In any case, I am blessed that finals week was not that bad. I am blessed that I even get to go to UCLA and have the opportunity to make something for myself- this above all weighs more than my grades. I can't wait to go to San Diego and hang out with my friends, it should be a nice break from this hussle and bussle of LA. One thing I'm not looking forward to is Christmas shopping haha it is certainly the most difficult part of the holiday season. I think I know what to get Chris, and Chris and Amy as a pair but other than that IDK what the heck I should get other people. I'

Food, friends, and frolicking...Er, perhaps frolicking isn't the best word but it gets the point across. Last night's pre-thanksgiving dinner was great, hands down; it was better than any of the 5 parties my apartment has had since third week. Interestingly enough, before we ate Allen kept asking if we were going to "give thanks" which I honestly couldn't wait to give to my man, The Prince of Peace haha. While saying grace, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the amount of love I felt from God; Not only has he bestowed me with a roof over my head but more so he has surrounded me with people I can't get enough of, he SHOWERED us with food yesterday even when we thought there wouldn't be enough, and he's come through for me even when I didn't feel like he could. And the thing that gets me most, when Allen implied that we should give thanks I wasn't even sure if the group would have wanted to say grace but because they all were ok with it,

So I have to say that this weekend has been completely awesome! I love being able to go home and just hang with the SD gang. I never forget how much they mean to me, but at the same time I am always pleasantly surprised when I see them. This weekend made me even more excited for next weekend when Brian and David will be coming up. Among other reasons for why this weekend was great was clarity on my status with Monica. For the first time in a long time, I really like someone , someone I could see myself being in a relationship with rather than liking the idea of being in a relationship. We had such a fun date. She will also be coming up next saturday; Pray that all goes well then too. As for being around my family, I feel like God is still working in their lives but I don't know where I see myself jumping in to help out. I feel so distant towards them that expecting anything less than a real raw relationship is out of the question. I'm so tired of pretending, so tired of brush

You know that feeling that you get when you are on a roller coaster, rising up to the drop, hearing the clicking of the track behind you as you ascend; filled with thoughts of "Why am I doing this," "Don't look down," and "Here it comes!" That's how I have felt this past week. God has been changing my life and my family's life and even though I don't know where he is taking us, I have faith that it is somewhere good. I have been thinking about next quarter a lot lately and how difficult I can already feel it shall be. If I set out a planned schedule though and perhaps start doing work during winter break I can really make it a lot easier. I can't belive all that is happening right now in preparing to apply to med school, I'm overwhelmed and excited all at once. I am going to meet with Chriag, a med student and hopefully gain some wonderful insight, hopefully I can see what type of person it takes to go to med school and then from t

I love Hamburger helper, it makes life that much easier. I haven't really been blogging a lot lately, mostly writing in my journal but I should really try and get on more. I feel like commiting my life to God has been the craziest decision I've ever made! I never know where he is going to take me or what I'm going to discover about myself. Right now, he has taken me to a dark place-like a cave, unequipped. No flash light, no hiking boots, not even trail mix. I pray that he encourages me the whole way though Other than that, school is going well, my upper division anatomy class is amazing. Seeing actual brains and body parts is probably one of the coolest things eva! Looking forward to the weekend and the joys of my friends

Today was a great day! All 20 page proposals have been taken care of and another viewing of the apartment made me really ecstatic to move in! I can't believe that we will be in our own apartment in merely two weeks. I know that I have been living in an apartment all summer but there is something about living with the "team" that makes me so stoked. Other than that, I need to learn how to make curry- I love that stuff and I bet my parents would love it too. When I checked my facebook this morning I saw a friend surfing and I got this ridiculous urge to learn how to surf soooo I am going to go home tomorrow haha. I can't wait, I've been pretty homesick. Looking forward to the weekend.

So I think it was already established that without activity I might as well be dead. I don't do well when I have nothing to do. I had a great plan to spend the day today, and all of my ideas were free. Too bad plans fell through though. I wanted to do only things that were free because I am soo short on money right now. I'm so much on a budget right now that I had to resort to asking my parents to help me financially, and if you know me then you should understand what a big deal that is for me considering my parents barely make enough to support themselves. I can't even remember the last time I asked them for money. I start working on Monday so I am looking forward to making some dough. I just pray that I can have enough to get through the beginning of september- once Financial aid rolls in, I'll be golden. besides that troubling aspect, I really just want to go home! I miss some friends, mexican food...perhaps I am just homesick because I am not actively doing anythin

I love hanging out with friends! Went to the beach for the third time this weekend haha and I still loved it, body surfing was fun and I am getting better at it. By the end of summer I'll be so pro I love getting to spend time with my friend David Herman, It's always refreshing when you find someone outside the original gang that feels like they fit right in. Volleyball was sweeeet and of course reliving my glory days when I used to play snowboard kids for N64 was also great. Today was fantastic, makes me a little sad that I have summer school...again, hopefully my TA will be similar to Max-easy.

Ok so I don't know exactly how to wrap my mind around this but I am just going to continue to write and hopefully my jumbling will make sense. I realized something about myself this weekend. I can't say its a particular quality that I have because I mean I don't do this on a regular basis (at least conciously I don't). Allen, one of my best friends, and his girlfriend Sarah are my roommates. This mostly pertains to Sarah and not Allen. I feel like I'm trying to hard to be her friend. Its as though I don't really want to be her friend but I am doing so for the sake of saying that my best friend's gf is on good terms with me. I feel guilty- Is it wrong for me to say that I think I just don't like her? I sit here and try to nit pick at the smallest reasons for why I shouldn't like her and it just makes me angry at myself. How immature am I? I am acting like a child, an embarrasement. But if I am being honest with myself I have to say that I just don'

I completely forgot about how the weekend came at the end of the week. For so long I've been treating my saturdays and sundays like mondays and tuesdays. I constantly try to find things that occupy my time-keep me busy to say the least, but I never acknowledge the fact that these two days are supposed to symbolize the termination of what I have been going through all week haha. On Saturday all I did was wake up and watch the soccer game then go to the grocery store, take a nap, and lastly make dinner and hang out with friends. I don't think I have had a day like that since early high school- I'm talking my freshman and sophmore years. I must say though, it was amazing. I would have never suspected that relaxing for 4 hours would be as beneficial to my mental self esteem as it was haha. It was great to hang out with David Herman and Stephanie Liu also. They are some of the most refreshing people I know! Its too bad that Steph will be slaving away at Deloitte soon. I guess it

It's funny. I never realized how beautiful the sculpture garden is when there is no one there. It astonished me today-just the serene quietness of it all, along with the cool crisp air... I immediately put down my things and took a nap haha, but after I took a nap I realized that I had found my "lonely place." In Mark Study already a few weeks ago we learned that Jesus would go to his lonely place to pray to God. I always found it funny that Jesus prayed; I mean come on- isn't he God? Why would he pray to himself? You don't see me calling myself...unless my cellphone is lost and I am trying to find it You know, maybe Jesus was lost. I can not see how so much stress can be thrown onto one person. After a while, I think that if I couldn't hear my phone ring I would stop looking...If I put it on vibrate and I couldn't hear it- I would stop searching sooner, and if it was already on quiet mode before I lost it... I probably wouldn't have looked for very lo

So my A'capella concert last night was...honestly, it was success. Haha for how unorganized it was I have to say we went out there and still put on a great performance...now imagine if we had actually been organized and had warmed up and practiced! We would have been unbelievable. There is only a few more weeks of school left and I get more and more excited for the summer with each passing day--can't wait to be stress free...well, at least destressed. Amy and Chris are moving up here early June and I can't get that off my mind. When friends from SD come to visit me I feel as though they bring this certain reality--a refreshing feeling with them (for lack of a better word) and now that two of my really good friends will be living up here with me-not even more than a mile away, its as though I will always have that refreshing feeling with me. Well anyway I am about to head out to teach high schoolers how to sing! Hopefully its a good turn out.

So once again I haven't been on in a while haha I often get consumed in my schoolwork and don't have time set aside for the blog. Even though I haven't had the time to write a blog- I've reflected lately on these past few months. I can't say how much more "complete" I feel now that I have gone back to church regularly. I think the name Catalyst is totally befitting for this Christian group because it explains how fast everything has changed for the better in my life. There was an initial quick reaction when I started going regularly last quarter and now I feel like even when things are not going well I can handle them better. *sigh of relief* There is something about a sense of community that is so soothing that it is almost surreal. I was discussing this with one of my peers earlier and he thought that he would mention how Christians are hypocrites and religion separates people from one another. I told him that he was right, even though he can't gener

So I totally haven't been on here in a while-being caught up with life really detracts you from the small things that add a little joy to your life-like blogging. To add to that note, because I feel so caught up with things I decided to try going to church more regularly this quarter. I went today and I have to say that I feel so good. I don't know what it is about church, believe me, I don't plan on really changing my personality (as in my crude humor) but there is something about...a community, yeah I think that's what it is. When I'm at church,especially now in this college environment, it has more essence. I think it's because the people that choose to go there are doing exactly that, no parents are making them-no cop out excuses. They go because they want a better understanding-a new perspective. Well, at least that is why I go. There was a good message today, and I think that I am excited to be more involved in my faith this quarter-hopefully the year.