about to go to bed

Today was an interesting day to say the least. Not because anything horribly eventful occurred but rather some weird feeling arose. I have this profuse hatred for physics I must say. Every physics problem I come across is sadistic and out for my life. Luckily I have lot's of people to help me with the subject but at the same time even with all the help I am confused by the subject and do not really understand certain problems.

Ugh it really gets one thinking. I used to say to myself about the kids who dropped pre med because of chem-"well that's silly, why let one class determine your future?" But I sometimes feel like I've traded places with them. I have always wanted to pursue medicine, always but sometimes the costs feel so large I don't think I can afford them. I want to believe that I am still in this because I know that it's what I want not just to prove a point that I can do it. I guess we will have to see how things develop with this situation though.

Another note, I heard one of the best and worst things today. I can say that I have a new best friend now, my roommate-that isn't to say that I removed my other best friend either (I for one think that someone can have more than 1 best friend) but he was really in the dumps today and of course I wanted to help him out so much; girl troubles-haha since when are girls not troubles?
He told me that I am the only person he can rely on in this world and with that I felt an overwhelming "hurrah!" Like I can really make a difference-I've really made a difference.
It got me thinking about all the people that I can rely on and to be frank it is a lot less than i presumed. A lot of my friends don't know much about my life at all, and frankly that's how it will remain because I don't see myself opening up to them in the near future. I question how many people really have my back? Because if I think about it I know that it isn't many. I consider myself lucky for all the friends I do have already-that know me, maybe not my whole story or childhood-but know me and would be there for me no matter how hard it is to actually be there.

You know what I really want-for friends to say to me just randomly in a text or phone call "hey I was just thinking about a joke and thought you'd remember" or like "I think you should read so and so, it's a good book that you might enjoy"

that always makes the day just a little bit better.

Well hopefully I don't fail my physics midterm on wednesday. Sigh...fuck physics