There is no antidote

Ok so I don't know exactly how to wrap my mind around this but I am just going to continue to write and hopefully my jumbling will make sense. I realized something about myself this weekend. I can't say its a particular quality that I have because I mean I don't do this on a regular basis (at least conciously I don't). Allen, one of my best friends, and his girlfriend Sarah are my roommates. This mostly pertains to Sarah and not Allen. I feel like I'm trying to hard to be her friend. Its as though I don't really want to be her friend but I am doing so for the sake of saying that my best friend's gf is on good terms with me. I feel guilty- Is it wrong for me to say that I think I just don't like her? I sit here and try to nit pick at the smallest reasons for why I shouldn't like her and it just makes me angry at myself. How immature am I? I am acting like a child, an embarrasement. But if I am being honest with myself I have to say that I just don...

I completely forgot about how the weekend came at the end of the week. For so long I've been treating my saturdays and sundays like mondays and tuesdays. I constantly try to find things that occupy my time-keep me busy to say the least, but I never acknowledge the fact that these two days are supposed to symbolize the termination of what I have been going through all week haha. On Saturday all I did was wake up and watch the soccer game then go to the grocery store, take a nap, and lastly make dinner and hang out with friends. I don't think I have had a day like that since early high school- I'm talking my freshman and sophmore years. I must say though, it was amazing. I would have never suspected that relaxing for 4 hours would be as beneficial to my mental self esteem as it was haha. It was great to hang out with David Herman and Stephanie Liu also. They are some of the most refreshing people I know! Its too bad that Steph will be slaving away at Deloitte soon. I guess it...

It's funny. I never realized how beautiful the sculpture garden is when there is no one there. It astonished me today-just the serene quietness of it all, along with the cool crisp air... I immediately put down my things and took a nap haha, but after I took a nap I realized that I had found my "lonely place." In Mark Study already a few weeks ago we learned that Jesus would go to his lonely place to pray to God. I always found it funny that Jesus prayed; I mean come on- isn't he God? Why would he pray to himself? You don't see me calling myself...unless my cellphone is lost and I am trying to find it You know, maybe Jesus was lost. I can not see how so much stress can be thrown onto one person. After a while, I think that if I couldn't hear my phone ring I would stop looking...If I put it on vibrate and I couldn't hear it- I would stop searching sooner, and if it was already on quiet mode before I lost it... I probably wouldn't have looked for very lo...

So my A'capella concert last night was...honestly, it was success. Haha for how unorganized it was I have to say we went out there and still put on a great performance...now imagine if we had actually been organized and had warmed up and practiced! We would have been unbelievable. There is only a few more weeks of school left and I get more and more excited for the summer with each passing day--can't wait to be stress free...well, at least destressed. Amy and Chris are moving up here early June and I can't get that off my mind. When friends from SD come to visit me I feel as though they bring this certain reality--a refreshing feeling with them (for lack of a better word) and now that two of my really good friends will be living up here with me-not even more than a mile away, its as though I will always have that refreshing feeling with me. Well anyway I am about to head out to teach high schoolers how to sing! Hopefully its a good turn out.

So once again I haven't been on in a while haha I often get consumed in my schoolwork and don't have time set aside for the blog. Even though I haven't had the time to write a blog- I've reflected lately on these past few months. I can't say how much more "complete" I feel now that I have gone back to church regularly. I think the name Catalyst is totally befitting for this Christian group because it explains how fast everything has changed for the better in my life. There was an initial quick reaction when I started going regularly last quarter and now I feel like even when things are not going well I can handle them better. *sigh of relief* There is something about a sense of community that is so soothing that it is almost surreal. I was discussing this with one of my peers earlier and he thought that he would mention how Christians are hypocrites and religion separates people from one another. I told him that he was right, even though he can't gener...

So I totally haven't been on here in a while-being caught up with life really detracts you from the small things that add a little joy to your life-like blogging. To add to that note, because I feel so caught up with things I decided to try going to church more regularly this quarter. I went today and I have to say that I feel so good. I don't know what it is about church, believe me, I don't plan on really changing my personality (as in my crude humor) but there is something about...a community, yeah I think that's what it is. When I'm at church,especially now in this college environment, it has more essence. I think it's because the people that choose to go there are doing exactly that, no parents are making them-no cop out excuses. They go because they want a better understanding-a new perspective. Well, at least that is why I go. There was a good message today, and I think that I am excited to be more involved in my faith this quarter-hopefully the year.

It's funny-the differences and similarities in our upbringings. Somtimes it leads to a deeper understanding, and most times it leads to what comes off as annoyance. I just have to say I've gotten to the point of being annoyed. Some of my friends tend to over-exaggerate situations, playing themselves off as victims. But I just have to say that is ridiculous. How is it beneficial to yourself in the least to play yourself the victim for a situation you know there shouldn't be one? I'm tired of victims, I'm tired of having to defend myself or walk tip toe on eggshells to try and make only some people in the group happy. Why can't the entire group just be satisified. the only reason that the minority opinions of the group seem to always work for them is because the rest of us are easy going so it doesn't hurt us so much as to rearrange our agenda for them. To make time for them. It's just really strange; people that know me understand that I do not tip toe on...