There is no antidote

So once again I haven't been on in a while haha I often get consumed in my schoolwork and don't have time set aside for the blog. Even though I haven't had the time to write a blog- I've reflected lately on these past few months. I can't say how much more "complete" I feel now that I have gone back to church regularly. I think the name Catalyst is totally befitting for this Christian group because it explains how fast everything has changed for the better in my life. There was an initial quick reaction when I started going regularly last quarter and now I feel like even when things are not going well I can handle them better. *sigh of relief* There is something about a sense of community that is so soothing that it is almost surreal. I was discussing this with one of my peers earlier and he thought that he would mention how Christians are hypocrites and religion separates people from one another. I told him that he was right, even though he can't gener...

So I totally haven't been on here in a while-being caught up with life really detracts you from the small things that add a little joy to your life-like blogging. To add to that note, because I feel so caught up with things I decided to try going to church more regularly this quarter. I went today and I have to say that I feel so good. I don't know what it is about church, believe me, I don't plan on really changing my personality (as in my crude humor) but there is something about...a community, yeah I think that's what it is. When I'm at church,especially now in this college environment, it has more essence. I think it's because the people that choose to go there are doing exactly that, no parents are making them-no cop out excuses. They go because they want a better understanding-a new perspective. Well, at least that is why I go. There was a good message today, and I think that I am excited to be more involved in my faith this quarter-hopefully the year.

It's funny-the differences and similarities in our upbringings. Somtimes it leads to a deeper understanding, and most times it leads to what comes off as annoyance. I just have to say I've gotten to the point of being annoyed. Some of my friends tend to over-exaggerate situations, playing themselves off as victims. But I just have to say that is ridiculous. How is it beneficial to yourself in the least to play yourself the victim for a situation you know there shouldn't be one? I'm tired of victims, I'm tired of having to defend myself or walk tip toe on eggshells to try and make only some people in the group happy. Why can't the entire group just be satisified. the only reason that the minority opinions of the group seem to always work for them is because the rest of us are easy going so it doesn't hurt us so much as to rearrange our agenda for them. To make time for them. It's just really strange; people that know me understand that I do not tip toe on...

So the other night was the Leonid Meteor shower which was as you know awesome! But I can't help but feel a little displeased with how the day after the shower ended. Firstly, let's define the term "Scape goat" a scapegoat is one that is made to bear the blame of others. Using it in a sentence may clarify things ever more : Jordan is a scape-goat, he constantly gets blamed for everything even when there is a group decision. I don't even understand it haha I mean the nerve of some people-its inscrutable, it really is. Most of the time I don't mind as much because I know that it isn't my fault lol so I can see when people are just really over reacting, but I'm not going to lie-it gets quite old...quite. Blame is a funny concept-Imagine it as a gift, it's that one type of gift that you hope they still have the target receipt for. No one ever wants it but everyone seems to always give it away. I'm going to make some noticeable changes-especially w...

Today was an interesting day to say the least. Not because anything horribly eventful occurred but rather some weird feeling arose. I have this profuse hatred for physics I must say. Every physics problem I come across is sadistic and out for my life. Luckily I have lot's of people to help me with the subject but at the same time even with all the help I am confused by the subject and do not really understand certain problems. Ugh it really gets one thinking. I used to say to myself about the kids who dropped pre med because of chem-"well that's silly, why let one class determine your future?" But I sometimes feel like I've traded places with them. I have always wanted to pursue medicine, always but sometimes the costs feel so large I don't think I can afford them. I want to believe that I am still in this because I know that it's what I want not just to prove a point that I can do it. I guess we will have to see how things develop with this situation tho...

I was walking around the book store today-well yesterday I guess, and I ran across a very interesting book. It had to do with the cooperation of music and medicine and I literally was like I have to have this book. The idea of putting both of those concepts together is just heart warming. It's the two main things I love. Perusing through some of the pages, I got the jist that music is more than just notes-but rather a force that in a way connects all people through some kind of similarity. It is so true though- so many people have music in life, and of course it isn't a necessary aspect of life but the fact that we all treat it with so much pertinence amazes me. I love it. If I really sit back and think about it, music has been that metaphorical band aid that has covered and healed so many of my wounds growing up. Even today I-psh, probably everyone tries to console themselves with music in some type of way. It just emphasizes how we are all so similar and that our problems are...

you know what I love?-those random fits of motivation that you get in the middle of the night. Motivation is funny, it's like a caffeine pill almost; you could be behaving normally, but then you decide that the next thing you work on will be the most pertinent thing in your life haha then look at you-more productive than ever...at least for the next several hours. An interesting thing to think about I think is WHAT motivates a person; whether it be money or helping other people something keeps us up at late hours of the night. In my case I KNOW what is keeping me up, and I love it.