Done

Is it so wrong to not want to settle?

I'm over it

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How do people view justice?

            Yesterday the verdict for the suspenseful Trayvon Martin case came in, and while I felt numb to the continuity of racial profiling in my life and in the lives of minorities in America, I became frightened by the responses my friends shared across social media. From declaring what we already knew about racism in America, to announcing that George Zimmerman better watch out before another vigilante attack is taken into the hands of somebody else, their ideas of reparation are those that I can't get behind. How do people view justice? This question popped into my head after reading threat after threat (between the occasional candy crush update) to George Zimmerman's life on my news-feed. Certainly if Trayvon became Tracy, a white Florida teenager, this entire situation would be different, but because Trayvon  was born an African American male--born into an already existing tension that he had no say in, his death has fueled the fires of this t...
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Still here, and Still trying

As I've sunk further and further into my depression, I've noticed that in the midst of the numbness I am still open to finding my reason to stay here and live this life. It's almost a different kind of fight. But one that is still so difficult. I've spent my life fighting to be here but lacking understanding as to what is significant about being here at all. There are so many things that live up to society's standards, but not to mine. I've grown into feeling that I'm tired of compromising my life and time into other's daily routine of going with the flow. Going with the flow of rape culture, going with the flow of systemic racism. I am standing on a platform with grief looking back at me, and exhaustion looking forward and I feel like I can't move. I want to get to a point where my life means so much to me that I can't be spirtually exhausted. There is a quote by Nietzche that goes   " He who has a  why  to live can bear with almost an...
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Family Talk

Lately I've been thinking more and more about how I need to go back to therapy and make it something consistent. I'm in a lot of pain. I don't want to engage with anyone, I don't want to eat. I'm constantly wrestling with emotions of anger and hopelessness-a lot of it originating from my family. I often think to myself " I'm not the one who messed me up, they are. But I have to take the steps- I have to put in the work to make sure that I don't do something drastic" and that doesn't settle well with me. I have to put in additional work for other people's carelessness, for their mistakes, for their bad parenting. On another note, I often think that there is no value in being in this world, or at least if there is any value, I don't know what that looks like. So as you can imagine the tediousness of being alive coupled with the incomprehension of the value in being alive can lead me down a negative path that  I, at least for now, am uncom...
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